i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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