sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
