a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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