she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
