just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
