It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
