C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
