I just saw a hot homeless man
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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