I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
