dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
