I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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