I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
