i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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