The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
