Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
