she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
