im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
