In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
