I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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