You're my little dorito
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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