I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
