She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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