3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
