i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
