If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
