lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
