So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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