This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
