Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
