if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
