Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
