when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
