he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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