just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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