nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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