So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
