Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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