my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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