Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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