I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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