im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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