it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
