You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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