You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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