I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You ate ashes out of my bong
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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