My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
