I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
