i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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