she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We need a shit load of segways right now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
