I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he fucked my hip out of place.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
