a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
