Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
