I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you had me at cake vodka
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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