you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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